Wednesday, 5 September 2012

4 months and i'm still sober.

Seeing you happy with another girl is heartrending to me, before. I have come to a sense that we were never really real thing so i guess it's is probably be a waste of time for me to cringe around and being pathetically sad over something that shouldnt even bothering me. I'ts just had me wondering that how is everything isnt bothering you, not even a slightest scratch on you but it gives a massive jet-crushing feeling to me. How do you do that? For everthing i have for you, and what you give in return for almost a year + is all gone just like that. It's the funniest joke in this case and i would gladly want laugh this all off right infront of your face.

I guess i'm a coward for not wanting to see you anymore but i guess it's what i should do right? You're with someone else and you still want me sometimes, yes sometimes and i know i shouldnt even bother to showed up to your sick need of wanting me only for sometimes. You're an ass for that. AN ASS.

I still think of you sometimes, You're making me all dark and twisted when I was all on you, and i don't want that. Be dark and twisty with her, don't look for me anymore. That is all i ask of you :)

Alhamdulillah, i am all good now.
I just i miss you as the sickest friend that puts up the sickest joke just to make me laugh, S.

Is it possible

to have Alzheimer at the age of twenty-one? Yeah i know i've consumed way way with too much Grey's Anatomy within these three months of holidays. It's my imaginary surgeon side is talking and it's funny but yeah, i am that forgetful and I am having big big time having a massive grudge for myself on this.

I forgot the most simplest thing as in where i put my car keys, what's my email address and stuff like that. Just by watching Meredith and Derek and her momy-Alzheimer issue is already frightening and just sad. I wouldnt want anything close to that happens to me. Yes its my paranoia side is talking.

I'm just kind of sort off wondering how things would be for me on 10 years to come. My mind is cruel and yeah back to my question above..

Is it possible to detect an early stage of Alzheimer at the age of twenty one?

Saturday, 30 June 2012

How long does it take to mend a broken heart?

I wonder how some heart could heal really fast as if it was never really broken at the first place..and if there really a harmless spell for me regarding this matters, please do just let me know. :-)

Call me pathetic but i heal the longest when it comes to stuffs like's a viscous cycle that whenever i'm trying to forget some things, it came back to me over and over again. Like a stupid boomerang, my memory is cruel. It' haunts me in actually, hard to let go off. The memories and what it does to me, it affects me so much that i've never been this mentally, physically and emotionally injured in my whole life before and i'd like to be okay again.

Honestly saying that i've never really been into a "declared" relationship. My first one was when i was 15 and it was on and off for about a year. Ended for some reason and it took me quite a while to really let someone new in. Though it's puppy love i can see right now, it makes you who you are today so yeah. 6 damn years to finally let someone new in, to move on. And i'm wondering how this one would take this time. And he gives me a huge impact to be frankly hurts so much to all what he did to me. No words can really best describe this feeling i'm having.

Fooling yourselves by saying yes to few dates with someone new won't help. That's for sure, it'll only hurt that few particular people that they are hoping for things that you couldnt afford to give, which is your attention, and heart. So maybe all you need is a time alone, away from all of that. All i know it hurts so much that it's really hard to feel anymore.

Regardless of what happened in life, it's just storm come crashing you and it's going to make you stronger than yesterday. Although the pain that struck you is unbearable there's always a way for it, all i know is time and God is gonna lead you along the way.

I'm just curious how long it's gonna take to heal mine this time, we'll just see :-)

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Farewel Diana!

Just another night out WITH PICTURES with my babies. Akim always bought his dslr around whenever there's an outing so yeah, looking through these pictures make me miss them even more though holidays have only started for roughly not more than a week. Well this is not really a night out but just to send Diana off to the airport. My favorite part of the day besides having to be all crazy and silly with them and the Famous Amos that they bought for me is that they actually fetched me from home! I hate to drive THAT much if you know me well enough. So yeah any outing that requires my presence, you know what you should do. Lol kidding. i guess i've been talking and typing so much and it's time for pictures :-)

Yeah we look decent on these shots i've should be there to see how idiotically crazy we were when we actually met. And it looks as if Azlie, Pat and I who is leaving KK since it's us who looks extremely "excited" on the departure lane. Well that's just us being us and nothing can ever change that. See you guys at September..which happened to be our semester 3. Take care!! =)

Cinta tiga segi.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Dear S,

My saddest, lost and broken being is missing you terribly. Be happy with her, that is all i ask of you.

Gold rush.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, Even over the longest distance :)